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My mind

A blog by Survive95 in General

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Today’s session

Survive95

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Today in counseling my counselor asked me how I would feel going every 2 weeks instead of every week. I kinda just wanted to get up and walk out and say fuck you but I know she didn’t mean it In a bad way but I feel like maybe she’s trying to push me away. I don’t want to change things up right now. I finally feel like we are making progress and I’m finally finding a way to be okay with things. She said I made really good progress but I don’t know about that. I can manage to manipulate my brain into thinking this are okay especially if I’m super busy at work or just doing something to keep my mind busy. I just don’t want to change up anything yet cause What of something happens and I have another break down and I cant manage to coup what am I suppose to do then? I finally got comfortable with her to be able to talk about anything and everything now and it doesn’t feel so awkward anymore it feels like I’m just talking to a friend or something but one that actually knows and understands what I’m going through. I feel like I’m overreacting and over thinking it but I can’t help it I don’t know what to do. I just can’t afford to deal with any change right now I’ve been dealing with enough change as is with out adding that to it. 

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Survive95
1 hour ago, Ian37 said:

Survive, I honestly do not feel like you are overacting at all. Sounds like you are legitimately concerned and simply looking for a bit of stability is all. Just because you may feel more comfortable with something does not mean more needs to come right away as a result. Nor something different either.

Change can be rather challenging in any shape or form. She may feel you're ready to come less. That does not mean it's for the best. She is there to help you. Therefore, please consider doing what is best for your own self.

:luck:

Thanks I did tell her I didn’t want to just yet and she asked why and I told her and she was okay with it but I just feel so overwhelmed with just the thought of it 

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Survive95
8 hours ago, Ian37 said:

Survive, happy to hear she will follow your wishes. May I ask what has you most overwhelmed at this point? Is it the thought of not seeing her as much going forward? Or something completely different?

:luck:

It’s just the thought of what if something goes wrong or what if there’s something I can’t Handel and I have another break down then I have to wait even longer to see her I know I can just call her and ask for an appointment but the fact that I know I just have a week before I go back is comforting

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Survive95
4 hours ago, Ian37 said:

Survive, there still is a definite difference in between knowing you have an appointment set up as opposed to hoping she will have some extra time. I totally get what you mean. It's hard to not think ahead at times when there are so many components to all of this. I guess I'm trying just to take one step at a time at this point. Which truly is so much easier said than done.

:luck:

I know I just hate the unknown I just want to be able to know what’s gonna happen when and when the next thing is I like to be aware and whether or not I’m prepared for it or not is a different story I try to take it one step at a time and something usually happens that knocks me back 

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Survive95
2 hours ago, Ian37 said:

Survive, I almost hate not knowing even more than that actual bad. It can all be so overwhelming to be exact. I like to know for the most part what is coming my way and this is especially true with those more difficult things. Please know you are not alone with these thoughts at least in general.

:luck:

Thank you 

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