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#7 Am I Always Worthless?


elisand

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Interesting I realized yesterday at the western wall that i always tell myself how worthless and bad i am whenever i do something dumb or hurt other people. So I couldn't understand, why can't i let myself believe i'm good just i made a mistake? 

Then I realized something. If I concede that people can do bad things and still be good then i might have to forgive my abuser, maybe he's --------------  i can't say it because it's too painful to think less than complete revulsion for him. 

But even though I don't have a viable way to disconnect the two, I can know that I am still a good person. There is just a program inside me that compels me to think that way.

I hope to discuss this in my next therapy session.

 

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I discussed this and it seems there are 2 ways to approach this.

First, why am I using this program? to protect myself. Well maybe I can decide I don't have to ever forgive him.

Much deeper I can realize that the reason I feel I'd have to forgive him is cuz everyone says he's good. But that's only because of their perspective. I have a different perspective in which I know he is bad/ doesn't deserve forgiveness.

I can believe in my perspective and realize that I'm ok. When I make a mistake and hurt someone it has no comparison with what he did to me.  

pls comment what you feel about this 

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