...not to my fiancee, of course!!!
Guys, I'm not that kind of girl. Never have been and never will be. I've been cheated on (likely by the wasband, and likely by other guys that I dated before I married him. One girl I dated briefly (for a few weeks) cheated on me...with a man, no less. Imagine that?!
Either way, unfaithfulness and I do not get along. I've no respect for unfaithful partners, the heartbreak they cause and the re-building of trust that is required afterwards - nope, it's not a road I ever want to go down, nor would I want to go down with anyone who was unfaithful to me. Because really, that's a deal-breaker. My lovely wifey and I strongly agree on this, it's a hundred percent over if either one of us were to stray. I'm sure that a lot of why we both feel this way has to do with both of us having endured abusive relationships in the past.
So why the (clickbait) title?
Last week, I was unfaithful to my diet. I admit it. I'm holding myself accountable to you all. I'm writing this for a couple of reasons. First off, I want to be able to come back to this whenever I feel the 'ah, screw its,' because a (small) setback like this one is likely to make anyone think that. I'm still over the 20-pound mark, but now it's going to be a little bit longer to get to the 25-pound mark, which I'd been hoping for.
I got on the scale on Monday, my usual weigh-in day. And yes, this is a big part of the reason I didn't update right away.
I gained one stinking pound. 1.1 to be exact.
After I kicked and screamed at the scale (half expecting it to scream back at me, "What the hell do you expect??? Do you know what the hell you ate this week?!") I rang Oompa to share the verdict.
"Do you know why?" Was all she said. My mother's had her own ups and downs, if anyone were to understand the frustrations of dieting, it's my mother. She's been on a diet for as long as I've known her.
Let's see. Monday, I want to say I ate normally, eggs for breakfast, chicken for supper. Tuesday, we had pasta with homemade alfredo sauce (I was sure to use the cream of mushroom in a can rather than buy the store brand jarred alfredo sauce). Wednesday, I made a pulled pork in the crock-pot and served them on rolls that weren't necessarily the healthy type. Thursday, we had chinese take-out because the kids begged me not to make anything to do with chicken. I guess I can't blame them - they've had enough at this point. And so, the Son requested I make different things this past week, and I obliged. And I also indulged. My portion sizes weren't enormous; I can't eat as much as I used to. However, I still ate mindlessly, without measuring, without being strict with myself, without cutting myself off when I'd eaten enough, regardless of whether I was still hungry. On Friday, the wifey had a medical procedure done (more on that another time) and wanted a cheesesteak with fries afterwards. I didn't eat the cheesesteak, but I ordered a chicken parm hero - when they handed me my plate, I think I might have said 'sweet Jesus' a little too loudly. Suffice to say, I ate about 1/4 of that hero - brought the rest home where the kids devoured my leftovers. Then on Saturday, we went to my nephew's birthday party and I ate two slices of buffalo chicken pizza. Then I've got to consider the nights I had (fat-free but not point-free) popcorn for a snack. I didn't track ANY of these foods - but I don't blame my weight gain on that. I haven't been tracking via electronic app for weeks, because I was eating all of the same things and it got too easy not to write it all down.
Here's what happened. Like the kids, I got bored with the same ol' and I gave myself a little too much slack last week. Lesson learned!
And yes, guys, I know - it's only one pound. I do know I could have done a lot worse than that. This brings me to the second reason I'm writing this and sharing here. I need to convince myself, too, that it's not the end of the world. Maybe I just didn't drink enough water and maybe retention is part of the problem. And I know I COULD HAVE done a whole lot worse. I was not strict with myself, but a part of me WAS careful and a part of me was doing some damage control - I think the numbers on the scale could have been a lot more grave. So, while I'm annoyed with myself for not taking care and losing that pound rather than gaining it, I have to remember to also commend myself for having a degree of self-control and minimizing the damage.
And now, I must go on.
I told Oompa I certainly did know what I did wrong. There was just too much, so I didn't give her any details. Not only did I go over my allotted points for each day, I was sure I surpassed my weeklies, too.
Interestingly enough, I won't admit these little menu details to Oompa. I don't know why - like I said, my mother likely would understand anything I had to say about diets. Maybe it's because for years and years, I rolled my eyes at her and made fun of her measuring cups and spoons and recipes...I can't tell you how many times she served me something that looked like cat puke....being a mediocre cook to begin with, her "diet" foods weren't appealing, either.
God, I can't begin to explain why I hear her voice CONSTANTLY when I'm going down the food aisles at Wal-Mart. "That there, you mix it with this here, and it's three points," etc. Whenever I see the words on the app - I hear her voice. "Two points." "Zero points." "Points, points, POINTS." And I'm hearing impaired, explain that!?
She's never scolded me for my dieting snafus. The last thing she said to me before I hung up with her on Monday was, "It's all good. Just keep going."
But I've got no problem with admitting it to you guys. No one here knows me from a hole in the wall, and yet, sharing little things online has always been far more comfortable to me than sharing in person with someone who knows me. Someone who can see me. Tell me I'm not the only one?
So, yeah. I failed miserably last week, but I'm going to try to get back on track this week. I'm going to get back into my app and starting tomorrow, pay better attention to what I eat. I did make a lovely bean soup with white meat chicken on Monday. Today, I had balsamic chicken with roasted potatoes and vegetables. Tomorrow, J will be making pasta with meatballs, but I am going to measure what I eat. And I'm going to be downing the water. I wanted my popcorn snack while watching the baseball game tonight, but I decided against it.
It's all I can do, really. These little things.
Hoping to have better news for you all next week.
To myself...I'm sorry. I screwed up. I'm going to make it right.
To the scale - screw you. I'm coming back next week, and I'm owning you!