Decided I would now start these entries with the following;
To whom it may concern,
I started seeing someone. Someone I care very much about. He makes me smile. I even went off my depression meds for a few days because he was around and all I feel when he's around is happiness and safety. I'm afraid though. He is so amazing. He has a child, he is faithful, smart, funny, caring. He takes interest in me like no one ever has. We have a lot in common but not everything and even the things he doesn't quite understand about me, he tried to. My love of libraries, for example. I had the audacity to mention that a library we had passed was beautiful and I would love to spend hours in there just prowling the bookshelves and reading every book I could before they kicked me out. He smiled and on our way back home, he stopped at that same library and encouraged me to go ahead and get excited. To prowl the shelves and speak my mind. He took a small detail I had simply mentioned in passing and turned it into this amazing adventure through a gigantic library. I have never been happier.
I wonder when it will all come crashing down.
He says I have nothing to fear. He says he won't leave. He says I am everything he has ever wanted and that I may have flaws, but he loves them too. I voiced my concerns through a quote by William Shakespeare;
You say you love the rain, but you open your umbrella.
You say you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot.
You say you love the wind, but you close your windows.
This is why I am afraid, you say you love me too.
To which he responded;
Well, I love the rain, so lets kiss in a storm.
I love the sun, so lets find a beach.
I love the wind, so lets fly a kite.
I love you, so lets do it all together.
Is it possible I have found someone who truly loves me? Who wants to protect me from myself? Who thinks I have worth where others see nothing? Someone who takes my smallest fears and frees me of them? I truly hope so. I am trying to hold myself afar. I don't want to get overly involved in case he hurts me like everyone else. In case he expects more of me then I am able to give. I don't want to hurt him...but maybe I should leave now. Before he finds out why I am truly afraid...