I remember meeting the detectives that investigated my case. I was just a kid in the 7th grade trying to make it through jr high and now I had to deal with going to court and talking to strangers. I can’t remember there names but I remember the guy was so tall and built and he made me feel like nothing or nobody could ever hurt me while he was around. I can remember how when we first got to the police station and I went into there office they gave me a bear and started asking me questions about the days. I remember my middle brother being there and just sitting there while I was telling them what happened. I never really told them much in detail they just kinda ran with it. After I told them that one time they got a warrant for his arrest made. I can still remember coming home from school one day and they had ransacked my room and took a whole bunch of y journals (which I never gotten back) I was so devastated because they were all I had that kept me sane and from doing stupid things. One day my mom tells me to get up and get dressed and that I wasn’t going to school and I never asked why I just told her okay. It turned out we had went to talk to my lawyer. He had my journals and had went though them asking me all these questions about what I had wrote. I felt like my life had been dissected into little pieces and I had no more secrets and that I couldn’t hide anything else because he had all he needed. I can remember a little while after that my mom took me to this building and a whole different town and said I was going to the doctor. Turned out patty( the doctor) ended up doing an examine I can’t remember what it’s called cause it was after a year so I don’t know if it’s still considered a rape examine or something else. Now that I’m older it actually similar to getting a papsmear they both used some of the same tools ( btw I absoulutly hate papsmears) I remember laying on the table with my legs open wide and her asking me if I’ve ever been sexually active. Like seriously at that time sex was the last thing on my mind let alone letting some random women I’ve never met exploring my vaginal area for whatever she was looking for. Afterwards she had me sit in What looked like a big confrence room and it was kinda dark while I waited for her to talk to my mom about whatever she had found. A week later maybe longer I remember missing school again and we go to another weird building and this place a lady gave me a pamphlet and told me to take my time and fill it out so I did then she gives me another one to take home and finish and then mail it back to her. Turned out it was a physic evaluation to see if I was able to stand trail or not. I remember when court finally came around it was the pretrail first. I remember walking into the court room and going to to this little waiting area and seeing his mom and sister there and all they did was make fun of me and talk crap to me and about me. I had took along a teddy bear that I’ve had since I was like 5 years old and come to find out they made such a big deal about me having it I couldn’t even take it with me I had to leave it in the room. During the pretrail all I had to do was point to my abuser and let them know I knew the difference between rape and molestation. So that was over with finally and then we had the big trail. I don’t remember much of it all I really remember was the judge claiming a miss trail because he had failed a lie detector test (which he asked for) and switched lawyers in the middle of the whole thing. So since it was a miss trail they asked if I wanted to try again. At that moment all I could think of was his smirking face he gave me when I got on the stand and how he turned to his lawyer and started laughing. At that moment I knew I wanted him to go down I knew I wanted him to suffer as much as I had. So I decided to keep fighting. At the next trail this Time the big y’all male detective stood right in front of me but across the court room so I felt a lot safer. I told them what had happened and yes I knew what the differences were and I didn’t let anything stop me.that trail ended up being 2 days long and the second day I was so exhausted I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t understand why it was taking so long. I felt as if they didn’t believe anything I had said. Now that I’m older and actually went through all the court files it turned out they were also trying to convict him of incest and indecency of a minor so something to that affect but nothing stuck but the R charge. Even though those days were one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do I would t change anything about them. I stood my ground and I defended myself when nobody else could or would.
Theres so much more i want to put but I don’t even know how to continue from here