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Having a bad night



I talked to my middle brother today and he started talking about my oldest brother that Sa me and he kept taking his side and kept talking about he’s his protector and how he’ll always be here for him no matter what and I just stayed on the phone and didn’t say anything I wish that I could of just told him what happened and maybe he would take my side and maybe he would actually protect me sometimes I get so mad because I always wanted my middle brother to be there for me and even when my dad R me all I wanted was for him to be there for me and he wasn’t but it’s not like I can really get mad at him because I never told him I wanted him there I just kinda wanted him to be like hey I’m here for you but maybe one day I’ll tell him or maybe not I’m having such a bad night I don’t know what to do anymore I just want to start cutting and hope I start feeling something instead of feeling numb all the time and it sucks because I want to go talk to my counselor but she’s out of town right now till Monday and she said can call her but I don’t want to bother her maybe I can make it till Monday and then I get to have another session ugh I just want to scream!!🤯😭


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