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Message added by elisand

I tried it when i went on the train. I acted how I wanted to. It makes me feel more free

Message added by elisand

Again I found focusing on this lets me feel more free.

I'm able to let myself be more loud. 


Let's try Tool #1



I find it hard to look at all people in the face. Why? maybe cuz I feel so ashamed. maybe cuz I am so afraid of what people think about what i say and do. can i look at them? I'm scared. What could happen? They will see who I am. What am I? a dirty worthless rag who always acts awkward. Can't they see what I did today. And I'm so much worse than them, my body doesn't cooperate. 

Well, I learned something new:  people only see the part of me that they are interacting with. The bus-driver only sees the part of me that is what I am showing which is that I'm getting on the bus and paying. Even if I pay weirdly, that's the only part he saw. He didn't see that I was abused and that I have no friends and all the anxiety and loathing i have in regard to myself. 

Will this tool change my ability to not be as embarrassed when I mess up?  Let me know what happens for you.


I do speak about tools I learn in therapy. This will be helpful I hope but I don't expect that it can take the place of personal therapy. But it might serve as an example and help us bring the tools we learn into our lives.


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CONCLUSION:i met someone and was able to focus on the part she was seeing about me- so i stayed away from talking about how hard life is for me. 

That is a very big accomplishment because usually i feel like the victim part of me is being ignored. My therapist said today that this is a major part of my being in control that i could decide which part of me to show. Control is so so important cuz with abuse control was taken away


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Additionally, now I am finding an ability to hold off on all personal information. I just came to my parents house and am currently able to control how much to react to things that bother me. 

I chose whether to show them that! I didn’t expect them to be any better than they are acting and am contemplating in what way to act with them. 

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