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Heartbroken and sad

aperson

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I am so heartbroken by the message I got yesterday. I cancelled all of my meetings. I spent more time crying at work than actually working. My boss sent me an email that she hadnt heard about a petition. In the afternoon she came to talk with me. She wanted to know who told me. I know who told me but they are not part of our organization so telling her who it was is pointless plus I dont know who said they were doing the petition and neither does the person who told me. She asked if there was anything she could do. She insisted that what they say is not true and that she never has had any complaints or concerns come to her. As much as I tried, I cried because that is all that I could do. she told me to stay home Friday but I know all I will do is cry and have troubled sleep so I declined. She says she has told no one else. I dont know that I believe any of what she says right now.

I cancelled all meetings  for Friday as well. I am only speaking when required. If I am not hiding because I am crying I sit at my desk and try to focus. I am moving as best as I can. I just want to not go to work but if I dont keep going in, I wont go back at all. I am literally crushed right now. I came home and force myself to eat and then slept for 5 hours. I dont know what to do. I dont know who to trust and I feel completely alone. There is no one I can talk to about this who I feel is not biased. I am lost. I am damaged. I started deciding what was the best way for me to die. Although I have these thoughts regularly, I have not planned it in almost a year. Realizing what I was doing only added to the sadness. It felt like I was attempting to make some progress only to be setback. 

I have no reason to believe the messenger has ill intentions. They are not in my department. The dont typically communicate with anyone from my area. I trust them and dont trust them at the same time. That probably doesnt make a ton of sense to anyone else but it does to me. I cannot fully concentrate. It is even worse than my normal lack of concentrate. I am just lost. The best thing for me to do is just try to go to sleep.



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Call a suicide hotline?

i cant gather what you mean. Is someone threatening you? 

I hope you feel better soon 

if you are dying at work can you take some days off to recover and heal? Sitting with you 

 

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A Person, I am so sorry to see of your stressful day. My abusive uncle always used to suggest that tears are a sign of weakness. Hence one of the many reasons he was so aggressive. I personally feel that tears do not always have to be a bad thing. Even though that does not make them any easier really to shed. 

You know your own self best even with any possible doubts. So if you feel that staying at home will make things worse, then maybe going into the office is best. I am going through a lot of stress on this end and work actually takes my mind off things going on at home. It is simply a different kind of stress and one in which I have the opportunity to be productive while trying to make a difference in the lives of innocent others. Have to do what is needed at times just in getting through a day and this may be different moment to moment.

Please know that it is really not possible to have all these great days all the time. Having a rough day or two does not mean you're weak as a result. Nor is it any kind of bad reflection on you either. Maybe some extra rest over the next few days may help to bring the start of some calm. Rest is not doing nothing and can be just as productive as anything out there.

:luck:

 

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@GaleH  You may not have stated it properly. While I found myself planning it, I recognized later that this was not productive. Although I have thoughts, I am able to keep myself from planning anything. No they are not threatening me. I received some damaging information the prior evening and it was extremely hurtful. I will be ok. It will just take some time. Thank you.

@Ian37  Thank you. I still consider it a weakness unless no one sees you cry. I am working on it. I will be attempting to do some self-care over the weekend. While I am still hurt, I am in a safer head space today. 

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