Today has been a very lazy day physically. I have done a lot of schoolwork and no chores, just self reflection. I've decided to change my mindset about my pregnancy and my delivery. I was thinking of meditating every day on things going a certain way. My mantra for my baby boy:
Strong, healthy, happy, smart, beautiful
My mantra for me during labor and delivery:
I am the goddess, I am the Earth
I let go and relax into the waves of creation
I cannot think of better mantras. I believe in the power of intention, of visualization and affirmation. I believe I can make this time around much better than the first time. I know what it is like now and hopefully my body will remember how to do it. My body was made to be a mother biologically so there is no reason why I shouldnt be able to accomplish a normal, joyful, spiritual birth. My fears doubts and anxieties have all been misplaced. It has nothing to do with anyone or anything else, this amazing journey of motherhood. I must simply be in the moment and do what feels natural. If I am triggered I will repeat my mantras over and over and visualize the awesome creative power of the goddess, of our mother earth and maybe draw from her for strength. For the past week I have visualized and meditated and the difference is astronomical. I cant express how very much stress and anxiety i bled that i shouldnt have had in the first place. I was meant to be a mother. I believe in reincarnation, and that you choose your incarnation for the lessons you will learn throughout the course of your lifetime that can be used as evolving on the path to the creator. I believe once we have reached the last step in our spiritual evolution we can choose to become one with everything or remain behind to teach. I know I have a long way to go for that last step, but it makes me realize that I chose this incarnation. I needed this strength gained through pain and different perspective and knowledge. I have work to do here, and I may not be able to without experiences like the ones that brought me to this site.
I guess you could say I had an epiphany in the quiet of solitude and schoolwork. It changed my whole outlook on a lot of things. I understand everything in my life now on a grand scale. Maybe some minute details still escape me but i am now able to look at my life and myself as things to be cherished, not abhorred. Im so deeply moved and thankful for this moment of acceptance and forgiveness of myself and others and peace with my path. I pray this attitude stays with me no matter what happens and that I can pass the good points of all of this to my children.
I no longer let anyone bring me down no matter what they do or say. I respect myself completely and dont let anyone hurt me.
I realize this post may be a little religious and I apologize for those whose religion is different than mine, my intention of course is not to offend. Just simply healing and recovering and moving forward in my own time as much as i can.