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Late Night Thoughts

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Leia Skywalker

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I don't know why it always seem to be worse around night, maybe there is a reason to that question but that isn't really relevant. Whenever I seem to come to the night I become scared, I lock all the doors around and me and try to feel safe. People have begun to notice how I always close doors and make sure doors and windows are locked, it isn't cause I like privacy its cause I am scared.

Part of me wants people to notice how scared I am, I want to tell people that I am scared. But I am scared of that. What if they use that fact against me. 

That's what he did, he used all my weaknesses against me.

I won't let it happen again, I have to stay sharp. I can't let my guard down but I do have to trust people, I know that now. I am trying, I want to trust those around me. 

My thoughts at night aren't logical they are dark, terrifying and jumbled. I switch from work, to school, to what would have been if I hadn't done this or that.

There are so many thoughts and questions I have but can never say aloud. I think at night they just want to be heard so they came out all at once, so I can begin the next day with new questions and thoughts.

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Leia,

I know how it feels to be terrified, especially at night. Trust is something I still cant seem to give, and you are very right; we have to trust people. But forcing yourself to trust people you dont feel safe with is a bad idea. So i guess making people earn trust is a good idea. I dont have all the answers, but I do know that with time and effort and perserverance things will get easier. 

I wish you the best in your healing journey. Safe hugs if ok. Im here for you 😊

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