Today is a much better day than yesterday. Mentally and emotionally I am allowing myself to be distanced from everyone especially my fiancee and zoning in on schoolwork so there arent any questions. Health wise I feel pretty good, good enough to clean and make burritos for dinner tonight. I realize that I DO have options; I could appeal to my dad and ask to come stay with him in AZ for a little while, there are homeless shelters and rent assistance etc, and I have a couple friends who would let me couch surf for a bit if I needed it. It helps to have options. I dont feel so trapped anymore. If I stay I will just distance myself from him to protect myself. I wont let him hurt me.
I know that no matter what happens I will make things work because I am a survivor, a fighter. I have survived more than I should have and if I can do that I can do anything. I have to tell myself over and over that I can do this, that no matter what life throws at me I can get through it. I am dealing with a lot of things right now, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There is a reason I am here. I am not exactly sure what that is. I am reminded often how everything that I know is wrong. But thats ok.
My brain isnt functioning well right now. Im a little loopy. But i guess its all part of the process right? Gotta keep moving forward. Even if I dont know why yet. One foot in front of the other. Until my last breath..