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My mind

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One thing I learned Helped me coupe with my feelings was to write a letter to my dad that sa me as a young child but I never mail it off I just put it away somewhere I can’t see but I know where it’s at so here’s another 

as I lay here and cringe at the thought of going to sleep because I’m afraid to have another bad dream because of what you have done to me I think about how badly I wanted to believe you were a good guy and that you had changed that maybe I could have the dad I always wanted the one that plays dress up with there daughter or even goes to the store and buy pads for there daughters and isn’t afraid of what anybody else might think and after what you did to me I still wanted to think you were a good guy I wanted to deny everything u had done for those 3 days straight I just wanted it to all go away and never to be brought up again but how was I suppose to know that it was gonna come out eventually sometimes I wish I would of kept my mouth shut and maybe I would of had the father I always wanted or maybe I was just to young and nieve to believe that you could ever change let alone be a good person I never wanted to believe what my eyes were actually showing me when I was with you I saw the drug deal you did when you claimed it was your friend just stopping by to meet me and even the gun your so called girlfriend gave you and you slipt it to the back of your pants and hid it with your shirt so I couldn’t see it or even the prostitues you had come over when u thought I was asleep but I knew it all I just didn’t want to believe it I just wanted to have someone to looked up to since I couldn’t depend on my mother or any of my brothers to be there for me now it’s years later and you have completely destroyed me and ruined my life I tried to kill my self several different times and it was just a fail but I am stronger now and still surviving just one day at a time 


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