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Confused with a difficult choice

Exdancer1986

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My fiancee has a severe problem with alcoholism. We just got a positive pregnancy test and he's swinging from astounded awe to irrational panic. With the latter comes drinking lying and breaking promises. I am already so raw dealing with everything I am and him breaking my heart all the time is wearing on my soul. He has his own problems, hes a combat veteran with severe PTSD and extreme guilt for what he did over there. Im trying to hold up both of our burdens and im just so tired and broken i think im going to buckle soon. I cant have a selfish lying alcoholic as the father of my child, i refuse to subject an innocent life to that. I told him that if he doesnt want to help himself theres nothing i can do for him and i have to leave him. He promised to get help but hes hurt me so much with his lies and broken promises i dont believe a word he says. Im in a tough situation right now though. Im very pregnant-sick and can barely clean the house much less work without puking. I have nowhere else to go and I dont want to go back to dancing. If it came down to it and i had to i would for the babys sake. But im just beginning to heal and i cant fathom jumping back into the abyss, especially not right now. I feel trapped and miserable. Every time i start to see a glimmer of hope and blessing theres always a cost thats more than the good. It also makes it harder to stay sober with him always drinking right in my face. I dont know what to do. If i leave ill be dancing and living in a motel. If i dont make enough money for the motel that day i sleep on a park bench. Its cold where i live right now and i dont have warm enough clothes. If i stay i have to deal with an alcoholic who spends all the money as fast as he makes it so that i go without which means so would the baby, who lies to me about his drinking and where he is and why, who is so selfish its mindboggling. When hes sober hes the man i want to spend the rest of my life with. But hes not ready so i think i should formulate a plan to get out of here. Over the next 6 months of my pregnancy i will get a job a car and save for a cheap mobile home in the rural areas somewhere close to my job. I will make sure i get custody and child support. If he gets treatment and decides to act like a husband and father i may come back to him. I dont want to leave him but hes not giving me much of a choice. Hes not beating me or anything hes just being selfish lazy and stupid. I cant take the pain anymore, like im not dealing with enough of my own. I cant trust or depend on him at all and im terrified what hes going to teach my son. What should i do? 



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I hesitate to offer any advice because I have a feeling you know what your options are and it's something you'll have to work out. I am married to a wonderful man who also has his own problems and has told me he has one foot out the door. Not because I'm visually impaired and in a wheelchair but because I am hard to handle. I have PTSD and I'm very aware how it impacts him. I understand combat PTSD is different from my own, but the unpredictability and stuff is a challenge. I think it's great that you realize how raising a child would be difficult if your situation stays the same.  My ex became abusive after I relocated myself 3000 miles away from home. I ignored the red flags and I now have a record because one time I decided to fight back. I understand how painful love can be... I spent every night crying for a year before I was able to accept that I could make it on my own. I am not so sure about that anymore, but I definitely am glad I got rid of that monster. I say this because alcoholism can change a person. It doesn't mean he's bad or anything. I'm a former addict. It's a disease and I hope that he seeks help. I feel for you and I hope you are able to work this out. 

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56 minutes ago, robynpi said:

I hesitate to offer any advice because I have a feeling you know what your options are and it's something you'll have to work out. I am married to a wonderful man who also has his own problems and has told me he has one foot out the door. Not because I'm visually impaired and in a wheelchair but because I am hard to handle. I have PTSD and I'm very aware how it impacts him. I understand combat PTSD is different from my own, but the unpredictability and stuff is a challenge. I think it's great that you realize how raising a child would be difficult if your situation stays the same.  My ex became abusive after I relocated myself 3000 miles away from home. I ignored the red flags and I now have a record because one time I decided to fight back. I understand how painful love can be... I spent every night crying for a year before I was able to accept that I could make it on my own. I am not so sure about that anymore, but I definitely am glad I got rid of that monster. I say this because alcoholism can change a person. It doesn't mean he's bad or anything. I'm a former addict. It's a disease and I hope that he seeks help. I feel for you and I hope you are able to work this out. 

Hi robyn

Thank you so much. Youre right I do know my options. I just was contacted by an old customer of mine who i told my situation to and he offered to come to my rescue. I hesitate to leave yet though. I want my fiancee to just straighten up and be a man. The answer to his problem is so simple but he cant see it past the alcohol. Im so depressed i think of suicide many times a day. I never will; I am too stubborn to give in that easily. Im so sorry for your own experiences and i applaud you for taking the steps to heal. Thank you for your support. I dont feel so alone now. It takes a huge weight off my back. 

I hope he seeks help too. Hes such an awesome person without that evil poison. I pray very hard every day that he can extricate himself from those deep sharp claws of addiction. I did, and am. Its hard with no support like AA but im doing my best for my kids' sake. Thanks again robyn i feel somewhat better.. 

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I'm glad to hear. And I understand much of what you are experiencing. Thank goodness for this place.

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