The First Time It Ever Happened
I don't remember it.
I just remember the before and the after.
I remember it like poetry.
So, here it goes:
I woke up one morning,
drowning in blue.
That morning,
My walls were torn,
And
I watched the world float by
like a boat on the water.
It was the moment before morning
right before the sun breaks through,
and the world begins.
I remembered it for the first time in a therapist office. The memory never addresses what happened that first time. I don't think I was there. I remember laying there in my bed, staring up at the world. Staring at the beauty of the blue splashed across my walls and drowning my whole world in it. I remember afterward. Crying. Stumbling. Reaching into my dresser. I put on a shirt. Buttoned it wrong. Threw on some pants. I remember crying at school. It was picture day. I wore the wrong outfit.
I grew nauseous in that therapist's office.
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