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Week by week

Leia Skywalker


I Saw him today. Not the bad one but the second one. My second ex and my second abuser. 

I saw him and all I wanted to do was cry and scream. 

I didn’t say anything. 

I just ran. 

Talking about them and what they did is hard, but seeing them. That’s inpossible. 

When I see him, all I see is who I was and how that girl that I once was is gone. 

The little girl who was comfortable and safe, she isn’t around anymore. 

I cant even bring myself to talk to them and let them know how I feel. 

But what good would it do. Would they listen? Would they care? Or is that just setting me up for a worse life? A bigger story?

I don’t know and I don’t plan to find out. 

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I know who my abuser is and where he lives, but I do not want to see or confront him. I might try to hurt him and I would be no better than him. I am sure I would be met by denial and I would feel freshly abused. I do wonder how abusers feel, but I do not really want to know how their sick minds work. It is like he killed part of me and I can do nothing to him. It took me a long time to identify and modify the antisocial behaviours and concepts that I internalised whilst he abused me. Perhaps one day I will want to challenge him and he may regret what he did to me, but I doubt he would admit it.

Edited by JamesM

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