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Ticking Time Bomb

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Mother of Rats

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I feel like a there is an internal timer counting down until I snap. Every day gets worse and worse and I'm terrified that I'm going to snap. I have these episodes of overwhelming anger and it's getting more difficult to hold it in. I can barely sleep and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I can't remember when exactly these episodes started happening, but they used to be so rare even up to a year ago. Now they are happening everyday. I don't know how to deal with this. My dad also doesn't help. He is a huge bully and likes to pick on my siblings and me. Especially when we are at our most vulnerable. This has been happening all our lives so I'm used to it, but with my anger issues, it's starting to get to me.

I want to throw things. I want to break things. I've already cracked the granite counter with a large knife a few weeks ago because I saw red and lost control. That's exactly it: I see red, lose control, and then I go into almost like a trance, and come back to reality. I can't do this anymore. I need help.... 

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Mother of Rats,

I am so sorry you are struggling with the anger. I too am struggling with the anger. Ive bottled for so long its impossible to stuff it down anymore and it comes out at the wrong people at the wrong times. Meditation yoga and physical exercise as well as singing and dancing help syphon off my anger slowly instead of letting it blow up. Maybe some of these things can help. A dammit doll helps too oddly enough, a doll that every time you hit something with it it screams dammit or you can have a soft strongly made doll that you hit on something sturdy and scream dammit while you do. It sounds silly but it works for me. Until youre out of the situation youre in finding constructive ways to slowly bleed off your anger is key. Many hugs to you if ok and i hope you find some healthy ways to get that anger out! Respectfully

Exdancer

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