To begin with I am 17 and was raped 2 years ago and it still sometimes causes nightmares. I was 15 years old and my parents had just gotten divorced so i rebelled. I went to party's and was not making good decisions, but I was still a virgin. One night at a party i was so drunk because i was trying to make my problems go away so i was dancing. then one of the people who i thought were my friends asked me to play spin the bottle. I agreed and proceeded to play i was having a good time. This time the bottle landed on this guy who i thought was actually cute so i was hoping it was me, and it was. he told everybody not to wait up so i thought still a little wasted we would just make out. I was having a good time and then he trys to touch me and I immediately push him off and tell him no but he proceeds. he pushed me up against the wall with his hand over my mouth and begins to touch me. i was squirming trying to get away but he was much stronger than me. ll of a sudden theses three other guys walk in and i think i`m saved but they were his friends and he told them to join in so they did. one of them pulled out a knife and began to cut my clothes off as the others were laughing. he comes really close once hes taken off my clothes and said if i make one move or sound he will cut me and i tried to get away and that`s what he did he cut me on my stomach just enough to draw blood. Then the other two slam me down on the bed and i just hear zippers and change falling out of pockets. then they began touching me down there and i scream so one of them gave me a huge scar on my knee that i still have this day. then they all took turns raping me laughing and calling me a sl*t. eventually he had cut me 22 times and 10 left scars after about 45 minutes i passed out and when i woke up they were gone with a girl standing over me asking if i was okay. i didn't talk that whole way to her house and i didn't know her now she is one of my closest friends. she let me stay cleaned me up gave me new clothes and took me home the next day. when i got home i wore long sleeve stuff for three months and maybe 8 hours of sleep a week i just kept having nightmares and when school started i had panic attacks frequently eventually the panic attacks went away only showing up when something really triggers them and the nightmares still happen just not so often. eventually i told the girl and immediately felt better. i am now very afraid of knives to the point where i wont touch any except now a butter knife which took a while to do. I am now better than ever and know that it wasn't my fault and i know i am stronger for it. i made this so u guys can tell me your story and trust me i understand.