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Contemplation In My Stagnation

howlieowl

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I'm wondering if I'm being stand-offish lately. Not so much with people i meet offline but with being on here. Ive just been having this feeling of not wanting to participate in general discussions. Im still struggling with my past but when i log on i find myself sitting in front of the screen watching the curser blink. The part of me that used to get on and read post seems very reluctant to do so and i don't know why. i miss the interactions I've had with the people I've met here. I'm stuck. at times i begin to type something then erase it and log off. maybe going back into therapy will help but I'm at a point where i feel i don't need therapy. i feel I'm at a good place to try and self-heal and with baby steps I've been doing okay. I'm standing up for myself better. I'm recognizing my triggers and working on the ones that should be worked on and avoiding the ones that i need to avoid. the memories are always there, that will never change, though i hope they will fade with time. but, I'm scared of the possibility i may not need this site like i used to. i believe that is the real reason i don't feel like logging on much anymore. one person ill never lie to is myself and I'm well aware of the fact that i haven't needed to be on here for my own healing as much as i did when i signed on. 

so, my next step in life is to work on being able to give the same support i was given when i was on here. i can't say i am there yet. but i am hoping for small steps in this next step in my healing evolution.




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