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Figuring Out

Leia Skywalker


I can't stop thinking that who I am is because of what he did. I can't stop thinking that I like the things I do, and I do the things I do because he made me into this. Into this girl who was introduced to sex way too early. Who became used to the idea of sex and actually liked it. 
Everyone describes victims of sexual abuse as people who never want to have sex again, but I am not like that. Does that make me sick and disgusting? Does that mean he still has control over me?

I don't know.

I do know that I am making my own choices. I make my choices for me and my future, not to please him. I am not his anymore, I am my own person. I am free....or at least that's what everyone tells me. On a level that is true, he is not physically near me to take me. But he will always be tormenting me, but I can't let that ruin me. I cannot let him ruin my future. 


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Thank you for posting... I have felt the same way for so long and this is the first time i have ever been on a site like this and i happened upon this. I feel like he is always in the back of my mind reminding me that without him i wouldn't be me. It hasn't even been about year since i was last violated by him and since then i literally moved to another country, cut all contact and for the first time talked to someone (my friend)  about what happened. I really identify with what you are feeling so I guess i just wanted to thank you for reminding me i am not alone 

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You’re not alone. I’m glad that someone else like me has felt this. I’m sorry that you have been through this and some much has had to change because of it. I wish you the best 

*hug if okay*

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