I don't want to pretend like me creating an account on this site makes me better or even qualified to talk about my experience but who knows.
Its gotten worse, the flashbacks, the association its all gotten worse. I haven't been touched and hurt in two years but it only feels like hours, maybe its because they still show up. He still tries to find me and bring me back.
It happened last night. At the debate tournament, in the middle of debate on a bill about sexual assault and the jail time of perpetrators. That's when it hit, the fear, the memories and the tears. I couldn't talk I couldn't move I couldn't do anything. My friend went to touch me and check on me and moved away cowering away.
It's worse, I feel worse. Maybe its because I found where he is. I found out that he did it to another girl. Another girl just like me and it happened because I didn't speak up and stop him. I still haven't.
Maybe I am hoping that by typing this it gives me the courage to press charges and keep him from hurting anyone else, but I don't know if I can. Anytime anyone says his name I cry, I shut down. To see him again I couldn't take it.
I thought I saw his car this morning. I nearly hit forty speeding as fast I could away before I realized it wasn't him.