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A Cloudy Day

Tigerswallowtail

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It is cloudy and chilly out today.  Kind of reflects my emotions.  I woke up tired and as the morning progressed I struggled with feeling like I need to cry.  I feel like I lost a day yesterday.  I had a lot of things needing my attention, but just sort of crashed and didn't do anything.  So this morning I was thinking of all the things I didn't get done and feeling guilty. It got to where I started to have an anxiety attack.  I was literally feeling sick to my stomach with it all.  I didn't give in though, and pushed on through.  I just focused on the task at hand and then on to the next.  Soon I was moving about getting some chores completed that I've needed to do for days.  I started to feel better emotionally too.  Why is it that the things I know will help me to feel better emotionally and physically are the things that are so easy to not do and are the hardest to get back into the habit of doing?  

I've started writing my story in the "Your Story" forum.  It is emotionally draining, yet at the same time it is freeing to be able to write about it.  I don't want to use this blog to write about what happened, but rather write about what I am going through now on my journey to healing.  But I am glad to have a place that I can write down the memories.  Hopefully the more I can do that, the less hold they will have on me.  

Back to the things that help me - Get more sleep.  I know I need to, but have been staying up late and getting up early.  Not a good combo.  I need to settle on a regular bedtime and rising time and then stick with it.  I feel so much better when I get enough sleep. You would think that it would be a no brainer, but it is just too easy to stay up reading or watching a movie or...

Write in my Journal. When I am consistent with this it is amazing how much easier it is for me to get to sleep.  My brain isn't trying to remember things since I've written it down and it can afford to shut down for the night.  Plus it is a good way to process what has happened that day.

There is more, but I think I will focus on these two things for the rest of this week and see if I can't do better.  Maybe then I will start to feel like my day is sunny regardless of the weather outside.



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