Any journey must start somewhere and here is the beginning of my journey of writing a blog. I've never done this before, so bear with me. I plan to use this as a journal in which I can freely express the feelings and struggles, and victories that I face day to day. My T told me the other day that I'm in the chrysalis stage and soon will emerge a new girl. There have been so many changes in my life lately, so many more that are needed. Some days the pain is so heavy and the tears won't stop. Other days are sunny and my life is full of blessings. Sometimes it takes all the strength I can gather just to get up out of bed and keep going. And yet, I do keep going and look for challenges to conquer, new things to learn.
So, just a little bit about me as an introduction. I am a CSA survivor who just started going to counseling a little over a year ago. I struggled with why now? I've made it through life for 35 years since it happened. Why am I struggling so much now? Regardless of the answer, I am choosing to get help NOW. Someone shared a quote by C.S. Lewis that has been a good reminder to me: "You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending."
I'm facing a lot of changes presently: looking for a new job, trying to get financially independent so that I can live on my own, learning to set boundaries, learning to do self-care, etc. The path I am walking has so many twists and turns that I can't see ahead and have to trust that it will lead me to a good place.
I play the piano, harp and mountain dulcimer. Music is such a help, but so often I've been too busy to play. I want to change that and make music a priority once again. I also have a mandolin that I am hoping to learn how to play soon.
I am a Christian and my faith has helped me through some of my darkest days. But I will be honest and admit that lately I've been asking God, "Why?" in regards to my past. I don't have all the answers and I may never understand the "why". There will be times when I may refer to God or the Bible, because both are such a major part of who I am. I want this blog to give a complete picture of my life, the good and the bad.
So now I will continue on this journey looking forward to the dawn of a new day.