Trigger  Trigger : CSA  R*pe

So first we need background info.  At this time in my 14 year old life, me and my Best friend of all time were split, and my other best friend got into it so I was feeling alone. and that best friend was really manipulative so I was left feeling that her self harm and stuff were my fault. I was in a pretty dark place there.  Also, around this same time my parents were fighting bc they were about to get a divorce. So I was pretty desperate for attention and lonely.

Anyways, on this app that I used to video chat with my friends this guy started messaging me. He seemed really flirty and interested in my and called me beautiful and really just interested in me. I knew he was older but I didn't know exactly how old he was (he was twice my age, he was 28). He really acted like he cared about me and was there for me when my parents were fighting or when I felt sad because of girl drama.  After about a week and a half, I felt like he was a good guy and I trusted him.

About two weeks since he started talking to me I was sick. I stayed home and he offered to bring me food. I agreed and gave him my address, I really thought we were just gonna talk. Especially because he kept saying he wanted to take care of me.  One thing that he did that I did not realize was odd is that he wanted me to send him a picture of myself in what I was wearing. Immediately, I was just wearing old Pj's. He insisted that I keep them on until he got there. He also told me that He was allergic to dogs (I have two large dogs) and asked if I would put them up before he got there. Which I did.

Okay the next part is where it gets somewhat graphic.  

When he got to my house I walked out my backdoor to greet him. He looked pretty normal, T-shirt, shorts, But he was carrying a medium black duffel bag. I thought it was somewhat weird but quickly dismissed it attributing its presence to the promise of food.  Right as he came near me he didn't say a word, just started kissing me and pushing me, I fell backwards. he just picked me up and forced me inside the house. At this point I was really confused, I felt scared and uncomfortable, Unable to grasp what just happened.  I just watched as he dropped me, quickly pulling out a silver pocket knife.  He slammed the door shut, enclosing us both in my living room. He quickly stepped towards me.

At this point I new exactly what was going to happen. I was crying, Begging him to stop, that he didn't have to do this, please no. He just rested the knife under my jawbone, slightly poking me with the tip of the knife. It felt cold, and suddenly I was aware of my heart racing and tears streaming down my face.

"you will do exactly as I say,  or you wont live through this"  he would say."You will stay silent" He soon ordered me to stay still as he undressed me. He then made me help him take his clothes off. By now, You should probably know that he was incredibly sadistic.  He picked up my hand and shoved it in the duffel bag, soon, he put his own hand in and retrieved a small ziplock with brown tablets inside. He took out one of these and yanked my jaw where my mouth was agape. He inserted the tablet and it dissolved in my mouth. He said that It would help me obey.  He then shoved me down to my knees, he took out his di*k and started hitting my face with it, He kept saying to look and see how hard I made him and he kept saying that me struggling was a huge turn on.  He then threw me to the ground and raped me. When he was almost finished, he asked me where I "wanted it" In or out, I said out and he ejaculated on my face and he licked it off.

After this he just stared at me for a long time. I felt as if I was prey. Or a snow globe figurine that he looked at for his pleasure. At this point whatever was in that tablet was starting to kick in and I felt tingly and my thoughts felt delayed, I felt sleepy.   He slowly reached back Into his bag and grabbed a small black camera, he then made me just lay there while he took pictures of me.  He then grabbed zipties out of his bag and tied my arms and legs. So I was in a kneeling position.  He made me give him a BJ. He was using vague threats and the knife to get me to do what he wanted. My hair was being pulled out of my scalp, With chunks of it coming out and littering the carpet. Then he grabbed me by the neck and dragged me all the way up to my feet. But my feet were still tied so I coldness stand on my own, He slapped me across the face and let go of my neck. I sailed across the floor and hit the ground. hard. I was a crying mess. But he picked me up again by the neck, Bent me over the couch and anally raped me.

After this, He quickly cut the ties on my hands and then laid me across the couch. He tied one of my hands to a side table. and left my feet tied.  He then just yelled at me. Called me everything under the sun.  I was crying really hard at this point and he just picked up the knife and started cutting me. He cut my stomach, my legs and about 6 other places. It was excruciating. It wasn't that deep, only my stomach needing stitches, but it still stung. He would then lick the blood off.  He continued to take pictures and even was telling me to smile. He eventually raped me for the last time.

He then told me that If I told anyone he would come back and hurt my family. He said that no one would believe me. That he was in the navy and that he wouldn't be caught. He eventually made me show him my room, It was super creepy. He said he just wanted to "look around for the future" He then left me tied to my bed frame  and left. When I had managed to break free about 20 minutes later. He was long gone.  

1.5 hours he was there, 1.5 hours changed my life forever

A couple of days later i found a note under my bed it read " I had fun, See you later. -Alex" I knew that he had to have kicked it under when he was in my room, But it sent me into a panic attack. 

But, two years later I'm in a much better place. I found a therapist that really helped me with my PTSD and now I'm Just looking to heal.