First I need to apologize for not replying to anyone on the show of support for my last blog entry.  My thoughts were jumbled together and I was unable to really say much. The visit with the surgeon was in short devastating.  His decision to call the transplant coordinator was equally painful.  My tears have now dried and I am no longer thinking of quitting so I can at least write a little now.  The thought of waiting two years is a bit much.  I don't have the energy to wait that long.  I sort of thought that might be the response of the transplant team.   Still I am in the process of processing everything.  I have gone silent IRL and with the exception of the occasional email, I don't really say much of anything.  I hurt a lot right now but it is lessening some.  I am fidgeting a lot more so I am employing my spinners more frequently.  I am debating speaking to my doctor about anxiety meds but I don't know about that just yet.  I have to do more research on it.  I will likely need to find something I am not allergic to as well.  I am finding this process a bit taxing.  I am not going to quit.  I am going to keep swinging for the fences.