I think I need to reduce my interactions with people. Maintain minimal contact as required. The problem isnt the world. The problem is me. My negative outlook. My resistance to change. My lack of social skills. The problem is I project it in my face and body and everyone seems to react to it.
Continuing to force a situation is just adding further to the problem. Even when I am trying not to cause an issie, it is met with defensiveness. While I hoped that I had improved over the last 20+ years, tje fact is I have not. The people I work with think I am mean. The people I work for think I am incompetent. 'Friends' find me difficult and distant. Family thinks I am an a$$hole. Putting an effort to change these things and keep the hurt inside is not working. So maybe I am just this person.
My head says this is a dumb idea. My heart says it must be done. It is the only way to resolve impending conflicts and prevent future issues. It will be hard in some situations but maybe it will provide me some time to fix myself. I am sure most people will be grateful for the change. I will have to think if I need to step down from my job.