This has beena trying work week. Honestly its been a trying year. Every day is a new challenge and then there are those that never go away. 

30 people who require managing, discipling and ecouragement. The encouragement was and is a hard one for me. It doesnt fit my task based personality. There is one who is especially challenging. She is an emotinal lady. She lacks confidence, self-esteem and is emotional to a high degree. She used to come in my office once a week and break down in tears ecauseshe felt she was a failure. She still threatens to quit or wants me to fire her regularly. For me it was a strain to try and find different ways to build her confidence and reassure her she is not beyond help. She is touchy feely. Likes hugs and touching people when she talks. Lol I have even told my manager that if she does it once more I was no longer dealing with her. But each day I started over for myself. Trying to se where I can improve and breakthrough. She requires so much of my energy. But I wont quit. Its not in me.

Then there are the people who dont want to come to work. Jepodizimg our contract and all of our jobs. There are thse who feel they are entitles. That their work is more valuable than any of the others. And then there are those that try me. Who dont realize I love a good word play and will.set you in a trap. I am a smart ass, sarvastic and petty. I know how to curse someone out without a single curse word. I can be blunt when pushed too far. And anger, whoo. I have held on to so much that when it gets realeased it overflows. I have behaved but have come close. I have told my boss every time. No reason for her to be blindsided.

Aside from those are the pulls from internal co-workers. The demand for answers to under performance, improving performance and finding new methods. Having to answer forfailures that are mine but arent mine. Coming up with solitions that dont damage us further. Dealimg with them is a challenge by itself.

And the company that we have a contract with. Nitpicking at the smallest item even though we are well within acceptable ranges. Their employees who are a demanding group of people. Each one believing they are more important than the other. Complaining if 1 thing doesnt go their way because how can no one cater to their needs at will. A bunch of entitled and arrogant assholes. 

And interviewing new people is the worst. They are not prepared, dressed poorly for an interview or so damn arrogant that they cant see they turned me off when they walked in. Nothing worse than someone with no experience trying to fake an answer to a question. Well maybe the one with too much experience trying to prove they are better than you and want you to know it.

Some days, most days lol, I ask why did I do this. I knew this is what it would be like. A bunch of whining adults who need a babysoitter who is underpaid for the work being done. Then I remembered my interview 6 years ago when I applied as a call taker. They asked why me. I was like why not lol. But the real answer was I need growth and a challenge. I need to learn and know I can move to morethan a call taker. Boy did I get what I asked for. 6 years and 3 position changes. I have soughtout opportunities to show my worth. I looked at each challenge and said, dont fail. If I did, I made sure to not make that mistake again. I recieved positive feedback and encouragement that I did well. I had people who saw beyond te quiet girl in the back and realized there was a force that wouldnt give up. I found the place that not only challenged my knowledge but now challenges my growth as a person.

This was beyond my wildest dreams. There are many who are much smarter than I. I had spent much of my time trying to keep up with them. Truthfully I was only competing with myself. Proving to me that I was worthy. My past created such low self-esteem that I never felt good enough even when I was at my best. The incidents caused me to block my emotio s so that I could only focus on the problem and a solution. Emotions were an obstacle, a road block. The way to handle it was to remove the obstacle. Remove the emotions and handle the task at hand. I know this is false but it was required at the time. 

I am a hopeless work-aholic. I dream about work lol. I wake and check my emails before I set 1 foot out of bed. I get there and stay for 9-10 hours. Ther are days that I have not slept because I was wprking and lost track of time. My account team thinks I am a vampire and require no sleep lol. Maybe writing this will allow me to enjoy my weekend a little. Well at least until Sunday. 😊