It made me feel weak because I couldn't stop it. I always thought I was a strong person, physically and mentally. The fact that I was so scared, I couldn't even make him understand that I didn't want it (how I saw it at the time) made me feel So weak and pathetic. How could I expect anyone to understand, to care, to help me if I couldn't even help myself? I felt like that was my fault for going back to him/staying with him, I felt weak for thinking I needed him. I felt like I couldn't trust myself because I hadn't been able to see that I shouldn't have been there and I hadn't listened to my guts when I felt that something was wrong. I couldn't trust anyone around me (if my boyfriend could do that to me what was everyone else capable of?) I couldn't trust myself, my body, my instincts, my decisions. I felt damaged and dirty inside, I hated myself. I didn't want to get to close to anyone for fear that they'd see, there'd know what I'd allowed to happen.
It's only now that I can see why I felt the way I did, at the time I couldn't face what had happened and I just thought I was crazy or being an over dramatic teenager.