• entries
    11
  • comments
    60
  • views
    795

Who have you told about your rape, why did you choose to tell them, and what did they do or say about it?

JustSam

370 views

I told My best friend and my boyfriend (now husband) because I couldn't keep it in, I was having suicidal thoughts, cutting myself, I'm not sure I would have survived with this eating me away inside. I didn't Talk to them back then but I told them about the rape. They're the closest friends I have and have never made me feel judged. Still I found it so very hard to speak to them again recently when this all came back up. 

I don't remember what happened the first time I told them. I know I didn't want to really talk about it, so I don't think they asked. 
Recently when I told them I was struggling again (after a LOT of Dutch courage) they were very supportive, offered to talk/listen, asked me how counselling was going. They didn't treat me any differently, didn't make me feel judged.

I told my counsellor too when I went.

....it's just dawned on me that I've had a lot to drink most times before talking to people I know about this. 




12 Comments


i told my sister but they made jokes about it because my attackers are invisible 

Share this comment


Link to comment

ive only told my boyfriend so far. we were on that topic and he shared his experiences so i shared mine and honest to god i thought that hed be mad since id been tainted and never told him until now, but trhankfully he was ok with it

Share this comment


Link to comment

i told my wife most of everything about my csa and r***. ive told my cousin, my brother, my birth father W, my uncle, my godmother, my former best friend, and my aunt years after it happened.

i chose them because i thought they loved me and would finally give me the support i needed growing up.

W was livid and wanted to do something irreversible. my cousin was a little upset but doesnt mention it. my former best friend was sorry it happened but our friendship was never the same, now we barely talk. my uncle didnt say or do anything. my godmother was very upset about the news and my aunt i could tell was just disconnected and had no reaction. my brother said he would pray for me. all in all, they still talk and socialize with my birth mother (except my former best friend) so i barely talk to them most not at all. my wife is my only constant foundation of love and support. 

Edited by howlieowl

Share this comment


Link to comment

  :triggering2:I told my best friend and she had her own story to tell.  I told my mother who in turn told my stepfather.  He pitched a fit and accused me of making it up to tear the family apart.  He didn't tell her he called me a s***, w**** and b****.   I eventually told my godmother who also had a story of her own to tell.  We agreed not to tell my godfather or uncle as both would have gone to prison for their actions.  So they don't know.  The family expects that I can just "get over it".  My mother doesn't but it is hard to tell where she is on things like letting me know when they are coming over.  She doesn't do this so I get to hear their voices and their laughter etc.  I am supposed to be ok with it but honestly, I am not.  The first time I had cancer was the last time my stepbrother was in my room.  Two years ago, he stopped over.  I looked up to an open door and there he is.  He said he just wanted to see how I was doing.  :triggering2:   I am going to watch a movie now. 

Share this comment


Link to comment

I recently told me mom and it was a bit liberating and very terrifying but in the end she believed me. And understands now why I always behaved the way I did. I also told a friend and he was very supportive and listened to me. 

Both instances I had also drinked before as well. I suppose it's because I've always been afraid of someone not believing me and rejecting me.

Share this comment


Link to comment

As you know, it happened a long time ago for me, so when I finally told someone 1.5 years after it happened, I disclosed to a close friend first. Then my other best friend. Then two more best friends (I have a tight crew of 5 girlfriends). They were all understanding and supportive. With their help, I figured out a plan for how to tell my parents. Then once I told my parents - which was hard though I don't remember the details of how that conversation went other than that they cried and were supportive - I started going to therapy (since I was young, I needed their financial help/insurance to cover the costs). It took me 5 years before I told anyone else, and that person was my boyfriend. He was supportive too, having come from a physically abusive home. But during that era, I was painting myself as "the girl who had something bad happen but don't worry it wasn't THAT bad, and I'm totally fine now!" because I was afraid of rejection by men. I did the whole fake it till you make it thing. I told my husband when we first started dating, but again can't remember the details of how that conversation went whatsoever. Then over the years I told 2-3 other close friends that I made along the way - all supportive in their reactions. When I first started seeing my current T, I told her that I had been raped by a friend, but said I didn't want to talk about it because "I was fine" and had other things to work on at the time. Only within the past year did I tell my T all the details, and I have been seeing her off and on over the past 7-8 years. I also told my niece via email when she went off to college because I wanted to warn her about what happened to me. In spite of me having 100% positive feedback and support, I'm terrified of telling people and convinced they think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. My husband is hurt that I wont' tell him the details, but I just can't. 

Share this comment


Link to comment

I told the police. It went public from there because of media attention. It was leaked to my work and it spread around the district. 

Because of that I chose to be extremely open with everyone else. I told my entire family...blood and step. Either I told them or they were told by another member of my family with my permission. I told my best friend and her family. 

I chose to report because he was unknown (at the time) and I was terrified he would A) come back for me B) actually kill his next victim and C) because he stole my car and I had to report that for insurance purposes. I wondered if I would regret not reporting later and I decided that I had to TRY to get justice so I could move on. I really did not expect him to be caught. He was. Now I wonder if I can live WITH reporting. I am still battling it out in court. 

Everyone from my coworkers to my family and church has been extremely supportive. I am loved and they show me. Some don't talk about it much or ask me how things are going, but I understand why. This is a lot. 

Share this comment


Link to comment

I have only told people who I thought I could trust.  I told a cousin of mine who was/is alot older than me, but it just made for some good gossip.  I told a few people who I went to church with and they just basically told me to stop calling them and they did not want to deal with it.  They could not even tell my grandparents or help me to tell them because I was too afraid to, but I was loved by them.  I guess they didn't believe me. Where I went to school at the time, they had questioned it, but nothing ever came out of it.  I never pressed charges as an adult because the state police had completely discouraged me at the time which at that point I was not strong enough mentally and emotionally to press charges.  Now so much time has passed, I don't think it is even worth the energy to go through all of it again and I don't remember the details anyway for it to stand in court.  Maybe in counseling it would come out. I have worked very hard to put the memories of my childhood completely as far away as possible.  CPS kept looking at my mother for the the cause of my broken bones which is something that could be seen.  They never suspected I was being sexually abused and raped as a minor.  My other two predators, I couldn't identify them now even if I had to.  Even if I were to press charges now, I would have no support from anyone.  It would be too much for me to bare to face this monster on my own.  I would also ruin the help my cousin gets from her father.  Her father is the one who done the majority of it to me.  In his eyes, he done nothing wrong, but it has destroyed my life. 

Share this comment


Link to comment

I remember when I told my best friend (now my boyfriend) years after it all happened, and he was so angry that anyone had ever treated me that way - he wanted to kill em all. Mostly though, he just loved me. I told him about several of my sexually traumatic incidents and he just held me while I cried. He didn't ask, nor does he know all the details, but it was just eating away at me - some one had to know and help me, and I just trusted him so much. I have never felt so close to someone as I did in that moment, and it came out as word vomit. It was probably the scariest moment in his life lol but he's always been there for me and I him through thick and thin. Side note: Telling him was a BIG DEAL. I didn't even admit to my therapist that I'd been raped because I wanted to avoid all and any sort of confrontation with my exes. Everyone knew it was bad because I ended up in the hospital, but no one really KNEW. I still have issues because most of the incidents happened while in a relationship, so I'm weird about a lot of things. Logically I know I should feel or react differently but I get triggers from the dumbest things and shut down or get overwhelmed. Flash backs always kick my butt, and BF is always there to help me, reassure my irrational and fearful thinking, help calm and comfort me, remind me to breathe, and get me back to a better mental place. I'm lucky, and getting better. 

Edited by Kkhateera

Share this comment


Link to comment

I was found half dead in the woods after being gang R at 10...I woke up in the hospital basically I didn't have to say much on this one.  Up until recently I kept my mouth shut on the other ones and I told 3 friends and my T before saying anything on here.  The one R 2 friends I told and they talked me into going to the police. 

When I was 10 I was told to never speak of it again by my parents and to forget what happened after my father blamed me for it all and call me bad and a w**re among other words.  The friends were supportive but after everything from being 10 I basically kept my mouth shut after my one friend basically said goodbye to me after everything.  

Share this comment


Link to comment

I haven't told hardly anyone in my life. I used to get a lot of sexual attention and dealt with jealousy and sexually predatory behavior and I just KNEW that people would either think I was lying or they would blame me. I still think that would have been the case. Sometimes people want to believe the worst and I rightfully feared that. I told my T about one of the rapes at my last visit. Basically fear of lack of empathy or being blamed has kept me from saying anything. I plan to tell my T about all of it over time though. I need to tell someone IRL. It's time.

Share this comment


Link to comment

There's been many times where I've wanted to tell my best friend that I was raped, but every time i even mentioned the idea that perhaps I didn't want what happened, he comes out with things like "oh, but you did like him, didn't you? So you must've wanted it!"
I guess maybe it's hard for people to understand the story behind it. Once upon a time, I did like him [D]. But that was 6 months prior to the rape. I had no affection towards D. We were old friends, so I thought. 
Because D and I were friends with the same circle of people, I was known as the 'sla*' of the group, because he'd twist the story to make it seem like he hadn't raped me, to make it seem like I had been the one who had pushed for it. 

It's extremely hard to talk to that group of friends now, because I fear that they only see me as someone who opens their legs for anybody, at any time, when that isn't the case and never has been. I've always been respectable, and quite shy, really, and what happened that day in December never would have happened out of choice, because that just isn't me. 

 

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now