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How often do you think about your rape, and do you ever feel like you have thoughts about it that you can’t stop?

JustSam

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I think about it (them?) directly at least once or twice a day, but most of my thoughts are indirect. What ifs. I find it hard to face the truth, to think about what actually happened. But the what ifs are so hard to stop, it's like I have to imagine the entire scenario, I can't stop till it's over, but it's never over. It doesn't end. I imagine being raped by strangers, acquaintances, friends, but mostly by Luke. I'm so scared that he still believes I owe him because I agreed to stay "friends with benefits", that one day something will happen in his life and he'll decide to act on this.



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I think about it whenever I am not distracted by something. I would definitely say its intrusive and I cant stop thinking about it. It always starts with a random thought and pulls me down more and more like a downward spiral. I dont want to think about it but I cant help myself. Sorry you are going through the same.

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Every time i see the person who did it my stomach sinks as i remember it. She acts like nothing ever happened.

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It's an at least once daily thought, but sometimes I'm better at breaking the thought loop and leaving it at a single thought than others 😕

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@JustSam Well now that it all has come back up... everyday multiple times a day it can have an emotional impact on me to the point of hindering my routine. Without me wanting to. There was a time where I did think of it everyday but I wouldn’t allow myself to feel anything because I numbed myself with various vices; but nowadays I am just going through the motions of it all and I feel like it’s on my mind a lot more than I would like. Seems like almost anything can remind me of something on my worst days.

i am so sorry you are still feeling this even years later. It’s just something that stays with us :( 

sitting with you and sending healing energy your way 💜

sam

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I've been able to mostly keep busy/distracted but this week has been hard since people are isolated and I'm not able to distract myself in the ways I'm used to.... I'm scared if this lasts much longer I'll be back in a bad place. 

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