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Slowly but Surely

howlieowl

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I havent written in a while. My mind has been other places. Lately Ive been too afraid to read post from anyone. Its like seeing the words from others' stories, seeing my story, Ive not had the courage. Sure, Ive gone about my daily busy, socialized, laughed, joked around. But, I am very proficient at hiding my feelings from my past. Often times, the only way to know Im bothered is the fact that I get quiet but even then, Im a quiet person by nature. My memories have been on my mind, my feelings of guilt, wondering why didnt I do this or that. Ive been rolling without a therapist for over a year now. Like to say Im doing better and I guess in a way I am. See, Ive been using these crystals to help me and I can say they have worked. But, I stopped using them because what happened to me is all I think about, the stories Ive read is all I think about. So, Ive stayed away hoping to lessen things, get my head back in a positive space so I can do for others as they are doing for me. One more step forward...



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You are moving forward.  There are times when in the healing process that this is all that comes to mind.  I think of it like a kid telling an adult, this happened.   You have courage.  You have strength but truth be told, some of this is hard to read.  Some of it brings up memories and emotions that are just hard to deal with.  There is a pain that is hard to put into words.  It is hard to put those into words because there is an ache that doesn't just go away.   When the thought hits,, please be good to yourself.  I think it is hard to be good to yourself when you think you are responsible in some way for what happened.  You didn't do anything wrong.  The only ones who aren't innocent in this are your abusers.  Sending you safe hugs if ok, :hug:

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I appreciate the kind words, the support, and the understanding. I try my hardest to honor my feelings, respect the healing process. I guess it the conditioning Im trying to undo. The constant blaming and guilt can wear on me. Working on connecting the heart and mind to release things as my therapist advised but Im not ready yet. :cry:Out of words. Just thank you.:blush:

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