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howlieowl

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So, I'm at a place of limbo. Its been 20 years since my sexual abuse. I've been in and out of therapy, I've tried talking with so-called family members, my wife. I won't say that talking with my wife hasn't been helpful, but I'm stuck. I've been through so many ups and downs, more downs but through it all I've tried to be as positive as I can be. I've been very afraid of doing thing like group therapy, which is sort of how I view this site. Afraid I would read other stories and get trapped in my past memories again. How would I view my past compared to others? Is my trauma any less than others? Why do I even need to compare it to anyone? There are so many things running through my head, my heart, burned on my soul. I'm trying to balance the emotions I'm feeling now with the emotions from my past. Those moments when I feel like that young girl again is circling my mind with the fighter I've become.

 

So, slowly I will try to comfort the girl who was hurt by expressing her emotions, rebuild and evolve into the person I want to be. Here's to my future.



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@howlieowl 

Hi, welcome to AS.  I am sorry for what brought you here but I am glad you found this place.  I can understand how group therapy can be intimidating.  I can say that it does get easier.  When i first started my journey toward healing it involved going to support groups.  It is a bit intimidating at first but it is worth it in the end.  It starts out where you wonder if your experiences are valid, if no one else tells you, your experiences are just as valid as anyone's.. Abuse is a thing that should never happen. When viewed in light of rather it should happen or not, every experience is valid.  Your experiences can be worse than someone else's experiences.  Your experiences are just as valid as mine.  Mine are just as valid as the next survivor.  You have come through something terrible. I can understand the point of feeling stuck and being worried that all you can do is get stuck in past memories.  Some of the healing process is uncomfortable.  It can be like mountain climbing.  But the good news is, while there are ups and downs, it is worth the ride.  Healing from abuse is constantly in motion.   You can face this and come through it.  I believe in you and I believe you can heal.  :notalone::supportu::youcanheal:

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thank you for kind words and support hawk. im learning that it is a constant uphill battle to heal. im just stumbling so much lately, but i havent stopped climbing. all i can say is thank you, thank you so much for believing in me. :thanks::cry:(smiling through tears)

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