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EJG

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One Of My Questions


EJG

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I've never been ashamed. If that isn't usual, it's because I'm unusual. Very strange indeed. But lately, all I feel is shame. Four years later, I feel shame. And I don't know why. Another strange thing is little things remind me of good times prior to all of that nastiness. When we were friends and not dating, teasing each other relentlessly. Or when we first started dating and he and I would listen to music all the time, doing nothing else but listen to music. Just small things like that which pop in my mind and won't go away. I remember the good times with a taint, and I don't want to remember any of it. Does anyone else get those memories forced upon them? Not of what happened but the 'good times'. I feel shame remembering the times we were happy before I lost it all. 

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It took me a long time to until I felt anything. I felt really emotionless about the abuse and though "whatever wasnt that big of a deal". After the I started healing emotions like shame and guilt came to the surface. I can relate what you say about remembering the good times. I think of my ex daily but only think of the good things and how wonderful a person she was. I dont want to think about her like that but it just comes to mind. I block all the nasty stuff out. It can get really confusing but deep down I know she is a very nasty person. 

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Thank you @dieter. That makes me feel better in a weird way. At least I know I'm not crazy. When that started, the random memories of him, it made me feel so off-balance. 

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