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TC

teleah

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In therapy we are working on parts of me, we started with the oldest that I actually like, sexy, funny, creative, meeting her was weird but ok, then last week my t faced me with TC, my youngest, she is 3 to 5, she carries the memories of grandpa, she keeps showing me glimpses of the hell she endured, mostly the times i was told to go sit with him and how i knew that meant to TW,,,,I knew how to pleasure a man at three, I was already taking care of my mom by keeping grandpa away from her so she was happy, TW.....I knew how to stroke him, i knew where to put my hand and how to make him happy at three, that is what TC went through,my heart breaks for her, then it hits me it happened to me, that leads my head and heart to mourn, mourn again, still mourn then the scary thought hits me, the only way the mourning ends is if I end, TC scares me and in order to heal I need to embrace her but embracing her hurts me, this is so confusing and I wish I could pretend I never met TC, pretend TC was never created through the trauma and hell she went through.



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Taleah, I am so sorry you are in so much pain from meeting TC. It breaks my heart that little TC was exposed to things no child should ever be exposed to. You need to mourn for her and yes it hurts like hell but it won't hurt like it does now forever. Over time, the hurt will change, I believe it will never fully be gone but it will be survivable. Please be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself.     I am sitting with you offering my support. None of this is easy. Big hugs. :hug:

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Thank you ((((((Mymentalhealth)))))),my husband has decided to work full time in Missouri, which has caused TC to come out been close to tears all last night and today, t says that is normal, it is her job to carry the sadness and right now it is too heavy for her to carry so i have to carry some too, This hurts so much, i want her to go away, i want to go away, sorry I met TC, sorry she was created, Teleah

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Teleah, I am so sorry you are so sad and overwhelmed with emotion. Don't be afraid to let your tears out. TC is a little girl and she alone can not be expected to carry all the sadness. I am sorry that she has become a part of you that you have had to be exposed to. I am sorry your husband has chosen to take a job full time in Missouri. I do not know where you live right now, so I do not know the implication of his choices on your lifestyle or your marriage. What I do know, is that there is a tremendous amount of sadness connected to this life event. Taleah, change is very very difficult for the average "well adjusted" person. It is even more difficult for those of us that have experienced significant trauma in our lives. As an adult, this type of change can be so very overwhelming, you have a little girl who is trying to deal with all the change. Change can be frightening, destabilizing and overwhelming. Your little TC might be feeling abandoned which is a horrible feeling for anyone but especially a child who has been through this before. You need to be kind to yourself and to little TC. You are probably completely overwhelmed yourself with little to offer to your little self. Unfortunately, like having a child of your own, sometimes you have to put your child's needs before your own and make sure they feel safe and secure. Trust me, I get how difficult this is. I will be moving in the next year. My last child will be off to college. It is not just completely overwhelming for me but for my child as well. My child does not want us to sell the home she grew up in. The home that is close to all her friends. My heart breaks for her and I have cried a sea full of tears worrying about the move. My major concern is for her, just as yours should be for TC. Neither of our little ones can carry the burden alone. Yes it sucks to be in this situation. Yes it is completely overwhelming. However, just as I must remain strong for my children you must remain strong for little TC. She has been through more than any little child should have to go through. She needs your help to guide her, to comfort her in her time of need. I will be by your side as you move through this difficult time in your life. Don't be afraid of TC, embrace her and love her. She is a little girl that has felt pain, sorrow, hurt and abandonment. Tell her each day that she is special. That she is loved and that she is a good girl. What we say to our children is what they grow up believing about themselves. TC needs you to believe in her to tell her she is smart, kind, and loved. Together you will find strength in each other. Alone you will find sorrow. You need to embrace the strength that the two of you can create together as one. I know how very difficult all of this is for you. I wish I could take your pain away. I am offering you my strength to help you get through this. I am sitting with you. You are not alone. Together, we can all make this transition a little bit easier. Big hugs my friend.:hug:

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(((my(mentalhealth))))), Thank you TC is my sad grieving little girl and she misses her mom, who passed last feb,she is the suicidal thoughts, the one that leads me to a very dark place, i want to embrace her but she scares me, she keeps sharing what she went through, what i went through, whew this is hard, thank you so much for your support and amazing response, love teleah

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TC got a  card from dad today, it said he loved her, she was happy to get it, it proved he was not the monster, he is a good dad, he loves her, he loves me, so hard to let TC in, she loves this man with her whole young heart, not sure how to love someone who loves her monster, have no idea, so lost right now, teleah

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Poor little TC is loving her daddy because that is what kids are supposed to do isn't it, love daddy, she doesn't know it is wrong, if she does she has blocked it out.  Maybe if you can love her she will not feel this overriding need to just love daddy. Self love is hard for us to do.  I am battling at the moment to re find it but I will, it was so worth having.

Sitting with you

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