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pretending that life is normal



So its been a while since I've posted on here and honestly I think its because I wanted to pretended like my life is all better and things are perfect when that isn't the case at all. So about a year ago I met an amazing man and he has a wonderful daughter then 8 months later we are engaged and don't get me wrong I am as happy as I could ever be but I still feel like I'm not healed like a part of me is still missing and broken and I don't know how to fix that.  I want to pretend like that night never happened and I have this wonderful life and this wonderful new beginning and I'm just not sure if that is the case... will I always be sad? will I always be broken a little? I have taken on a lot in the last year and all I want for myself is to BE HAPPY AGAIN.


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I don't have any answers for you, but I have plenty of love and support. I have the same questions, even including the wonder if I will ever find a man I can trust. So happy for your engagement; I wish you well!

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The original RAIN was started by Tori Amos and a fashion designer.  I listen to her music in some of the darkest of my journeys. Not just for her music style but for her poetic lyrics. One song asks "why do we crucify ourselves?" Another asks "when are you going to turn your little blue world upside down?". I ask myself these questions all the time. How to cope with memories of ghosts that follow me even when I thought I had buried them in my mind's graveyard.  

When I was entered, I was violated. This became part of me. This is the part I can not accept. I can not accept that people do outrageous things to other people. I know this is the real world. I see it everyday on the news. But I don't want it to be my reality. I hate those segments of the past that I don't want to own. I want to give them back to the people that did this damage. I want it to be their history and erase it from my own. But they don't want it back. They have taken what they wanted already.

I hope my words may help. I hope they don't damage. Remember that this is just my opinion. And everyone has an opinion, so take my words lightly. 

I wish you all the best and happiness. Just remember, you own yourself and unfortunately your ghosts. And please also remember that we all have opinions. That doesn't make me right. This is your path.

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I understand your concerns...I am a survivor and just got married last year. I didn't say anything about my past until a month ago when it all came out after a flashback. It has been difficult to explain to my new husband how difficult it is to talk about these things.

I also just want to be happy but am feeling haunted by my past...

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