Jump to content
  • entries
  • comments
  • views




Guilt. Sadness. Anger. Disgust. Shock. Confusion. Numbness.

I have felt and still feel a lot of different emotions—some that I’m not ready to deal with yet. And that is okay. For now, the important thing is I recognize what he did was wrong, immoral, and criminal. I admit that I was raped. I do not deny it anymore. I accept that I will have to dedicate a lot of effort to overcome my future struggles and emotions that are associated with my abuse. I am prepared to go on that journey, but one step at a time. Right now, I need to achieve mental clarity to fully comprehend the situation.

Further, as a mental defense, I admit to ‘sugar-coating’ some details. I am not mad at myself for doing this. For the time being, I need to ‘sugar coat’ it in order to protect myself. It is too much for me to handle all at once, which I believe is completely acceptable. I should not be expected to comprehend all of this immediately, or even ever.

Is there an emotion most prominent?

Yes. Numbness.

I feel very numb and detached from my emotions most of the time. At first, I was in denial, and therefore I felt not much but confusion, sadness, and guilt. However, as I acknowledged the situation, I became very, very sad.

But now, it is weird. I feel almost desensitized and non-emotional. It is an odd experience because deep down I feel very affected, but on the surface I feel incredibly ‘robot.’ I have a constant sense that something is wrong, but I cannot identify it, which is a very conflicting feeling.

Upon reflection, however, I’ve decided that I rather feel desensitized than be an emotional train wreck.

Can anyone else relate??


Recommended Comments

I feel the same way, so well put.   It is a good thing to know your feelings.  i find one of the most difficult parts of knowing the feelings is  understanding why I feel something.  

Share this comment

Link to comment
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...