Not sure where this belongs, but hopefully it is in the right place.  Sometimes i do get depressed, but it is not too often it happens and it is the same with the memories and triggers.  I did something really brave over the weekend. I don't know what got into me to allow myself to do it.  A co-worker who i will call P and I were talking.  P told me that people don't talk about me to her and when they do, she takes up for me.  I haven't had too many people to take up for me before.  Little did I know what I was going to say.  I told P in general I was bullied, taunted, raped, molested, and how my own mother was an alcoholic and told me how much she hated me.  It isn't like I needed to tell P this to like me and I didn't want her to feel sorry for me either.  I haven't even known P that long to trust her like that.  I guess I am just tired of people talking smack.  I told P the point of it which is for someone to talk crap, they better come up with something good and original because it has all been said and done before. I even told P to tell whoever was talking bad about me that.  I also told P all that is left for someone to do to me is literally murder me, then it has all been done. I also apologized to P and said I don't even know why I told you that for and I should not have went there.  P told me that it was ok. She also knows that I had a bad marriage because I do talk about my kids dad more than I should because he is a pain in my rear who is screwing up my son who is very smart, but chooses not to be.  She is bound now to think i am crazy. LOL.  Nah but P did say I have hardened my heart.  I had to in order to survive and to keep from feeling.  It probably helped to prevent me from committing suicide.