Today, I was just talking to my friend. I was talking about how people view me at my work (regarding being open about my situation, I have really no choice, the military kinda puts EVERYTHING on the spotlight). And he said something to me that just absolutely crushed me. I asked him if he thought I was pathetic, and he said, "Yes you are! No, don't get mad, you're just young."
I'm just young? Wait...so does that mean that a few years down the road I'll just wake up one day and say, "I was just overreacting! I'm older now and understand!"
And then that little monster inside my head started talking to me, I hate her but she kept saying things like, What if one day I will just get over it? What if one day down in the future I will just wake up and say I did overreact to being raped over and over. I was just being 'dramatic' about being gangraped.
Now she won't get out of my head and I'm just sitting here, completely numb and totally dystroyed. Why am I writing about it on here? I have no idea. Maybe get some sort of response to it. Maybe get some support on how to shut that little monster up.
I'm starting to believe her.. 9 months of torture from one man... and I'm just overreacting.