I think, I think too much. Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off; the part that has the memories, the images of the abuse. The part that sends the messages to my heart that I'm worthless, damaged, ugly, stupid, unloved, unwanted, alone, and stupid. Of course I want my brain to keep it's basic functions in tact to keep me breathing, to keep me healthy, ect. Will I ever be able to have good feelings? Will I ever be able to trust, to love without fear, without labels that something is wrong with me? I cannot remember a time in my life I felt safe, free to just be me, have my thoughts and opinions and feelings matter to one other person. I feel like all my life I haven't had a voice, I wanted to hide as a child and couldn't now I have to hide, the pain, the fear, the insecurities, the damage done to me. I didn't ask for it but I am the one being punished, rejected, looked at and treated as less than, less of a woman, less of a person because someone else wanted to fulfill their own desires.