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Royal Rules




Why do you keep doing things I have not approved?

Bringing other animals here simply will not be excused.

I am not a bird simply here for your amusement,

Listen to me human while I clear up the confusion.

If you bring home a bird - that means it is my snack

Don't lock it away from me or I assure you I'll attack.

I'll make a mess of everything to break open that cage,

And you will have no right to throw a fit of human rage.

Rodents, birds, and rabbits are only to be treats,

Other felines or dogs are only enemies to defeat.

Small lizards are a combo of treats and little toys

Big ones are a challenge - but will still be destroyed.

You're nothing but my human, you belong to me

Don't you ever treat me like anything less than royalty.

That spray bottle had better stay out of my sight

If you ever use that thing again I promise I will bite.

Punish me? How dare you jump to false conclusions!

You seem to be experiencing some disturbing delusions.

The ruler punishes the servant - not the other way around,

In this house it is I, not you, who wears the royal crown.

Rules now laid out for you, I hope they are quite clear.

I would like a petting now, and you had better volunteer.

A disobedient human must be taught how to obey:

Bring another hamster home and there will be hell to pay.


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