TW this poem is about what i go through when the depression hits hard like these past weeks.........
My Dark Web
i keep trying to push them away, protect them from my toxic darkness, I dont want to infect anyone else with my toxic darkness, my dark despair, so i push them away before they they get entangled in my dark web,
I reason during the unreasonable hour of three in the morning, I should go before they get stuck in my hurt, in my soul muck, i should go before they wake up and need me again, but after a night of fighting my demons i awake in my dark web.
I awake the next day, even more determined to push them away, people who could be infected by this sickness, i turn off my phone, wont open my door, ignore their countless messages, reasoning i do not want to hurt anyone anymore.
Deep in this web, I sit the ones i have infected before, him the one who wanted to love me, save me from myself no longer sits next to me, next to me, the little girl i brought into this world unaware she would inherit my darkness, my hatred of self, she is the one who insists to stay in my dark web, feeling obligated for i am her mother and she still believes she can save me.
It takes hours, cups of dark deep coffee to climb out of my dark web, to be a loving wife, a strong mother but in seconds, a small gesture, a word, a song and im entangled in story my story of horror, with a heart full of frustarated sorrow, i know tomorrow i will not let anyone touch me, come near my dark web, i do not want to hurt anyone anymore.