So I've tried journaling, I've had a blog many, many moons ago. ...but it has been a long time since I have regularly written to try to deal with life. As a teenager, writing is what helped me survive. I never really wrote about the deep stuff, the really hard stuff, but enough that it got enough out to keep going. Most of the time my writing was desperate attempts to be a "good girl" - writing prayer lists of who I needed to pray for, begging for forgiveness for the things I had done wrong, writing prayers of thanks.
So I'm giving this a try...we'll see if I keep it up or if it falls by the wayside like many endeavors I try to deal with my past.
I have been in therapy for several years. In the past year or so I have come to the realization that I don't remember much about my childhood and there are some time chunks in which I don't really remember anything. I also have been having dreams and body memories that have been freaking me out. It has been really hard to sort through and make sense of. Sometimes I feel like I'm just crazy and there is nothing to it. A lot of the time if feels like the dreams are memories...foggy, shadowy memories that are impossible to make sense of. Sometimes I just want to write it all off and stop trying to figure it all out - afraid of the two alternatives of figuring it out...I'm crazy or actually having an idea of things that happened to me as a kid. We'll see where this journey ends up.