its not even a struggle anymore. i dont bother with how i feel, i just do. im tired. life is good for the most part. loving husband. easy job. home is paid for and i am surrounded by so many animals that make me smile every time i interact with them. these feelings must be chemical or something. i just have flashes of moments when i hear, whats the point? the torments in my head are completely different than the life i live. i feel the need to just dig in there and carve all that stuff out of my head. ugh.