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My Mother's Story



I forgot to make a mention in the first one and this is not my story to really tell, but my mother has since passed. 

My mother and her twin sister was the only 2 out of my grandmother's 6 children who were born in a hospital.  They were premature and maybe weighed about 3-4 pounds.  Back then, they left the oxygen on them all the time and the nurses did not know to cover up their eyes like they do now.  Anyway, I don't know much of my mother's history because she was a private person.  Here is what I do know and why I can't completely blame her for what happened to me in some ways.

I don't know what ages, but my mother use to go to her room and stay there because she was very withdrawn from people.  She quit school in the 10th grade because she did not like people from my best guess.  She did get her GED later.  My mother was anorexic and she tried to commit suicide by trying to hang herself in her teenage years.  She was also forced to return sexual favors just so her ill mother could have food to eat.   She was in denial because she told me that I don't know what it is like to be forced into giving a male a blowjob.  Not sure if it happened to my mother or not, but her grandfather was also a monster from what I have heard.  He would offer her older sisters a piece of candy or something just so he could feel them up or touch their breasts or whatever he wanted to do to them.  My aunts were afraid to let my mother around their husbands because they were afraid my mother would take their husbands from them.

I should have had an older brother or sister because my mother had an abortion before she had me all because of what my dad's mother thought about her. I think she was sorry she did it.  My daddy died who was my mother's first and only love of her life.  When he died, she was crushed.  My mother always drank, but I think it got worse because most of my memories are of her getting drunk and she couldn't even take care of herself.  I heard her cry for my daddy in the middle of the night when my sister and I was suppose to be asleep.  Then the men who sexually abused and raped me betrayed her trust.  My mother lived a very emotional painful life.  I just got hurt because life beat her down so badly.  She must have only seen her pain and did not realize my pain.  I was the oldest so I was the only one there for her to take out her frustrations, anger, and disappointments. 

I have heard it said that broken people hurt people.  I guess this is true because my mother hurt me badly, but she was also hurting.  She could not have really helped me from the hurts of life when she never dealt with her own.  I did not realize how broke my mother was until she told me during her chemo treatments.  I understood alot better then and now.  My mother never got the help she so desperately deserved.  Her mother never done anything about my mother's sexual abuse.  By the time she found out it was happening to me, I don't think she knew how to handle it so she did not do anything.  I am sorry my mother was very hurt.  I also paid a steep price for her pain and what others had done to her.  :(


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