Woke up this morning to an email from my pedophile father, she woke up to a voicemail reminding her to call him at lunch to chat, ouch. I lost my mother, i only belong to a dad who broke me and she belongs to a dad who reminds her to take her vitamins on text. I struggle fixing things around the house, wishing i could ask a dad how to fix things, he calls and sees if she needs help with anything at all. ouch this hurts, feels like a weight of envy has been laid on my chest it is not fair, she gets him as her dad and i wrestle with a monster under my bed almost every night. ouch this hurts to hear them on the phone planning the memorial while i listen, trying not to sob, i have never felt that comfortable with my dad, ever, I am going to bed with this brick of jealousy buried in my soul, feeling horrible. feeling envy at her good fortune of having a safe dad, a dad who will hold her as she cries in a month at my moms memorial while i cry alone, i wish i could turn my heart off and not feel this throbbing pain but i cant and ouch it hurts, teleah
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