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road trip

teleah

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I was fourteen, my dad had insisted we go on a road trip to my uncles to retrieve some antique guns, world war 2 rifles so we went to missouri, the backwoods and visited for a whole two days until my dad could not handle the heat or the bugs, so we left to go to kansas for the rest of our trip, i was happy to be going to the big city, happy to spend time with my dad for what i thought would be a few magical days, We got there and checked into the hotel where i swam for him and he took me out for dinner on top of the hotel, i was so excited then we went back to the hotel room where the abuse began again, just where it let off a year before, then the next day i woke up to him taking pictures of me, and he took some of me because i had matured, then i went into  the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror and that moment i knew i was his girlfriend not his daughter for this trip and i became his girfriend, we walked hand in hand through stores, he opened doors for me, he took me to a movie and at night he raped me. at night he stold my soul, four long days later i went home to my mom who had burned all my childhood treasures because i betrayed her by not calling her on the trip, i went into my room and looked in the mirror and there i stood her daughter, her evil daughter, and i wondered what was worse being her hated daughter or his loving girlfriend? 




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(((((tuliptorn))))), thank you for reading and sorry you can relate, today I was reminded of this trip when i saw the staypuff marshallow man at a store, it was life size and reminded me of going to Ghostbusters with dad and also going to the top of the building that was featured in the movie. to a restaraunt that went around in a circle, i was there as a girlfriend not a daughter, wish there was not so many reminders of that horrible road trip, wish i could just get over this

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Just looking I was never his daughter, I was groomed to be his girlfriend, he groomed me to spend time with him as an adult woman,I know I was never his girlfriend but that is what he intended me to be especially on that horrible road trip when I was fifteen

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I can relate. I had to be taught because he "knew"I was going to start with my bf. I was 14. I think it only happened once. But I'm not sure and I've always thought maybe I am crazy. 

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so sorry you can relate,i know how hard it is when you doubt your own story, one way i combat that is i check in with myself, if there is a tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat, i know what i remember is true and try to believe in my gut, my heart, my mind, sitting with you as you get through this doubt and new icky memory, sending safe hugs and thoughts of hope and healing, love teleah

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