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Getting Through



my birthday is in a week and 2 days. then 8 days later is christmas then new years. i'm currently stuck between holidays and i hate it. i hate being around family, especially during this time of the year, because my initial attack was on 11/25/12 and so the dreaded anniversary is always around holidays. my extended family does not know, to my knowledge, about my attack and that is why its is so hard, i think, for them to understand and respect my wishes of not being touched. on Thanksgiving i tried asking them all not to touch me because it was the days after the anniversary, which was really bad this year, but not a single person listened and then no one could figure out why i was in such a bad state of mind, not even my parents.. i'm trying to distract myself as best i can but it hasnt been working. i'm beginning to get more worried everyday that things dont get better.... i'm so lost and confused and my mind wont stop going every which way!

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I hate how much pressure the holidays can put on us to act happy. Most of my family doesn't know so I try acting the same as I used to, for their sake.

I think most people just don't understand that even if they think their hug is comforting and helping, it just seems abrasive and traumatic. It's frustrating that they did not listen when you asked them not to touch you. But they might be thinking that they're showing support or helping in some way.

I hope you can find something to help distract yourself. I'm still trying too, it's hard not getting lost in my thoughts and confusion.

Happy Birthday also : ) I hope you do something just for yourself. Something you really enjoy, to treat yourself. You deserve it.

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