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Pushing People Away


diprece

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I don't know about anyone else but letting people into my life is so hard. I try to be open and let people in as much as I can but I am so terrified of getting hurt. My ex boyfriend dumped me after my assault because I would cry all the time and stopped getting intimate with him, but he didn't and doesn't know the pain I feel everyday from what happened to me that night. He broke my heart. He was my best friend and he treated me like dirt. So now when someone acts like they care or wants to get close my only reaction is to shut off and push them away. I just feel like being alone is way better than getting hurt again.

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It is hard to find people to trust after something like what you have been through. I wasn't assaulted violently but molested as a child. I can understand at least the trust issues. It is very hard to be intimate with anyone, at least for me, I never relax. Even being married and having two kids, I never can totally not think about it and be "normal" if there is any such thing. My husband still doesn't understand and after 18 years of marriage and trying to explain how I feel, I don't know if there is anyway to get through to him. He just thinks I should be able to pick myself up by my boot straps, his wording, and move on.

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