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Scientology trauma-- bits and pieces

"Auditors" (Part2)

Hi y'all. Before I begin, I just wanted to give a little clarification from Part 1 of what It was like growing up with scientology. In the last two (or one I think) paragraphs I mentioned how some aspects of scientology weren't too different from other religions, and though I am able to see similarities, I truly only mean the first bit of scientology that I was introduced, where It was actually kind of chill and not at all weird, but In no way do I mean that any religion could even compare to th
Scientology trauma-- bits and pieces

It used to be like...this (Part1)

Here I go again, trying to get all the story out there and hoping maybe this time I'll be able to finish It. I feel like I want people to know this, regardless of what they think, just to have some sort of record that this actually happened, It was real, I was real and all of the pain that came with It. My mom was the first one to be interested In It, she was at a very lost point In her life during her mid-twenties (at least that's what she told me) until she found these books that res
Fun

Me now: "so you're the main character huh?" (a bit of silliness)

bbme: I think so! at least that's how I feel. I like playing my part, I mean I know I'm not the only one here, but Isn't It fun to play the hero? to be the plot of the movie?. It's like I'm a part of something big, like I'm special, do you think I'm special? It's certainly a nice feeling. Who knows, sooner or later the FBI will contact us for a big mission and we have to be there ASAP!!! we just have to be ready....If there's an emergency In the world I would gather all my friends and then the g
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sk8er in Fun

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Existing

Old me: let's have a talk kid, here sit next to me...

bby me: okay, Is there something wrong?...are you mad at me? Old me: Not at all, I'm never mad at you, I will always love you no matter what, I just wanna know how you're doing...I know sitting down can make you nervous because you relate It to being punished but I promise you that you're okay, you're safe. bby me: Okay. Well, I've felt lonely lately, sort of like everthing's empty. I miss my old room, my toys, my friends, It feels like there's nothing. Do you know If...It gets better?
sk8er

sk8er in Existing

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Upset

Old me: "Hey you, I saw you cried today, what happened?"

bby me: "Hi. Yes I think I did, but this time I wasn't holding It back like I always do. Tears are meant to be shown, I am supposed to cry when I'm supposed to cry. I think that's why It's been so long since you cried big sis...because when you had the opportunity you'd never let It happen. I know how you feel, I felt embarrassed too, to cry In front of everyone...believe It or not there's so much shame In crying for women as well...everyone really... When people cry they say "I'm sorry", t
sk8er

sk8er in Upset

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Upset

Old me: "My little one, why are you crying?"

Little me: "I don't like when people talk down to me, petty me, feel sorry for me. My dad always lets me win and then denies It...my brother has done that a few times too. It makes me feel like I'm not smart enough, like I can't do things by myself. Yes, losing can be upsetting, but I like losing better than people feeling like I need to be pushed. Older me Is working a new job and It's really hard on her, sometimes It wears her out completely, I don't know how she got there, I would be so
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sk8er in Upset

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Intro to my blog

Conversations with my Inner child

Hey everyone, I thought I'd let you know what this blogging Is all about. I thought I'd start a little journey between me and my little self. I know she has a lot to give, a lot to offer and I wanna hear her out... Some posts I might be stritcly talking personally with my Inner child, other times she might do the talking, who knows (like maybe my child-self had fun one day because she got to jump In a trampoline and wants to share that experience). I do wanna state however that, her and I a
sk8er

sk8er in Intro to my blog

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