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About this blog

I joined recently after feeling not heard for years. I read another blog entry that said," I used to be so happy and care free now I can't go on a simple date or to the grocery store, I need help".  I feel horrified that that person feels the way she does.  My story is painful to talk about, I like to continue living life knowing it happened and I can't go back and change it.  What would my life be like if I hadn't been taken advantage of.  There are days when I ask myself, how can someone be so evil to have done that. I didn't ask for help until recently.  I am from a small town and people talk.  Professionals say to not care what other people think.  When I do that, I am seen as selfish or rude.  The events that happened to me shaped me into who I am.  Once joining and seeing the endless forums and blogs I realize I'm not the only one and it gives me hope.  I feel I've been told to not say anything from people I told.  Once talking to a counselor, she said not everyone knows how to react.  I wasn't asked what happened to me after.  Why? Why wasn't I rescued?  I am not homeless,  I have loving parents.   But, somedays it just seems I am not understood.  I want everyone not just my family anyone I meet to shout from the rooftops this terrible human being did this on this night and it was wrong.  Then, I feel don't be bitter be better than those people.  I read a coping strategy article that said write a letter to your attacker, but do not mail it.  I wonder to this day what that person thinks when he lives his life.  I will never be the same person I was before.  Others say, this will make you stronger.  I have never written about my feelings before, and it only makes me want to talk about them.  I relive those moments, over and over.   I do not want to be silent anymore.  The unbearable feeling of knowing he is less than five minutes from my residence makes me uneasy.  I am building up strength to report my attacks.   I am searching to find others that reported and how it made them feel.

Entries in this blog

Coping

I have read a lot lately about not knowing what to write or say.  If only I could truly express my feelings in words.  I want to live my life knowing I never knew it was going to happen. Was there a reason it happened?  Don't they say everything happens for a reason.  What is the reasoning for this.  I am meant to relive these nights just because.  My counselor seems understanding, and is what I always wanted.  I know I can not live with the memories creeping back daily.  If someone passes away

aprilbaby49

aprilbaby49 in Coping

Some days...

I finally reported.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I felt as though I was watching myself.  The number of years I had longed to tell an officer my story and it was happening.  I can't describe how it felt to tell another person, not my counselor, or you guys, or my support group.  I hope for the best, and is the best being he is held accountable, yes.  I fear nothing will come of it, and I will be heart broken.  I read an entry this morning about apologies.  Ever since that day, I no longer let th

I Have a Voice

Once this happened, I felt like a huge part of me was lost.  A piece of me changed.  I still feel like me but a piece of my happiness has been stolen.  I've read other blogs saying I didn't deserve this, I deserve justice.  I want so much for this feeling to go away, and does it take me reporting to do that?   I have read articles of people saying it was the best thing they ever did.  I never thought I'd need to report the awful thing that lingers in my thoughts day after day night after night. 

aprilbaby49

aprilbaby49

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