I have been drinking so maybe i can sleep...my si urges wont do away...i contacted an ex which was stupid...yet again.
Im hoping my T will be able to start weekly therapy. I think if i dont get a handle on this i will never get proper sleep...and im sure hed say drinking so i can sleep is not healthy
I can't sleep.
Often at night, I get this phantom feeling that someone is touching me. I think its my mind remembering when I wanted to scream "don't touch me!" All those times. Especially the first time. And I can't get peace now. My mind keeps reliving that helpless feeling. I just want to go back in time and have the awareness of mind to say "don't touch me" and get away from him. First comes the shame and self pity then comes the anger. At him. At myself. Mostly At myself.
So...this is my first post. It won’t be long...I have come back to this forum because of something that triggered me a few days ago...just watching a tv show. I was desperate to not act out on urges to self injure because of it. My brain likes to bring up those thoughts as a soothing thing I think, after so long not self harming, my brain tries to soothe me in the only way it knows how.
I love being back here, despite the really hard stuff...I have such a hard time making friends, and this